Raspberry And Sage

Hi everyone. Okay so... Interfacing with technology is about to be very interesting. I took a tiiiiiiny amount of... I'm not putting anything in writing lol. Microdosing. But I want to say...

I promise to never ever ever commit the "s" word. I channeled some advice to myself in a difficult moment and now I would like to share that with you. Because if we can't share supportive messages of love on the internet then what is even the point. Am I right, cuties? I love you guys! Who's even reading this? I don't know. But hopefully some of you, my very favorite people with just, like... Ugh! The BEST vibes. So lucky to know you all.

Wow. I literally nibbled the TINIEST AMOUNT off the TIP of the... Um... Carrot? No! Strawberry. No! Raspberry. Mmmm... Those things are so good. But I didn't eat much and I tried to tell you guys I am, by definition, a LIGHT. WEIGHT. I'm like... Whew! Whoosh! So yeah I'm feeling things. I started to type lol and then I really started laughing because it's so funny how we do that. Type out laughter. I think it's cute.

OKAY!

So.

So here's the thing, family. And is it okay if we all pretend we're snuggled up around a campfire right now? Doesn't that sound so perfect? Let's pretend. I'll start. Bzzzzzzzz (I'm pretending) zzzzzzzzzzz....

Okay.

Crackle Crackle snap goes the wood popping in the fire. Our backs are chilly but our fronts are warm and we know we're safe because our inner cave people know what to do with fire. Here we go. This is what my higher self told me so now I'm telling you because if you're here it's not by accident.

So here's the thing, I matter, and so do you. You know that, don't you? And here on earth we're all a family. We're here together. And if one of us takes ourselves out, it really hurts everyone. It hurts the whole family. So please never do that and never even think it. We can say we want to when we need to communicate the depth of pain we might be feeling, and I'm sure there are some ethical circumstances but I'm not going to get into that now. I'm in a place of compassion for myself and others. 

It's okay to feel love for someone and for that to kind of hurt somehow. Because we can't always be near to the person we love, and there are thousands of different reasons but none of them negate that heart connection that is there and that is real. And hey you, my friend, you know who you are, we've got a really strong heart connection and it's very special and real even if it's difficult to endure sometimes and even more difficult to explain... I'm not mad at you and I don't think you're mad at me, and I love you and I think you love me. And this little magic....raspberry trip is kind of hitting God's reset button for me, and I hope in some mystical way it does for you too. I think about you every day and I hope you think about me too. I feel very sure in this moment that we'll get to hang out again and it will be before we're like, old. I feel like I've seen you multiple times but I wasn't sure but I definitely saw you earlier today and you looked really good. I was having a bad mental health moment so it kind of spun me out, actually, which is how I got here. But anyway I don't want to disrupt... Just anyone else reading this, I'm not going to specify whether I saw this person in person or on the internet. I'm high on the tippy-top of a raspberry, who knows what I'm even saying, anyway. You ALL look cute, all the time, for sure. There.

Right?
Right, okay anyway.

Another thing is like, that beautiful mother-father being some of us call God... Is not mad at us. Not mad at you. Not mad at me. Never mad at you. Never mad at me. And never far away. They're RIGHT. HERE. And the people we love who dropped their bodies? Also RIGHT. HERE. I called Niki back and told her that and we both started crying. We matter and we're loved and even if we get really angry at the cosmic parent they don't get angry at us. They're like us with our kids when we're in our BEST parenting moments, but all the time. And things get hard here but that doesn't mean they're not here with us. I don't fully understand it. It's just a very cozy warm feeling. I wish I could wrap everyone on earth in this spiritual blanket. Everyone should be required to eat raspberries as a rite of passage on the cusp of adulthood, it would honestly solve almost every single thing. It really would!

Sigh. Yes it would and if you don't think so it's because you haven't done it, you square. ;) 

Did I ever tell you guys about the time with me, my former roommate Lisa, and the zen koan our manager at the pizza place in Stillwater told us? Lol. Hahaha  omg I'm typing laughing... Now I can't stop laughing for real I'm just trying to paint the picture to bring you into the moment with me. How do you spell the sound you make when you've been laughing and then you like, decrescendo? It's like "Hahahahahaha AAAAAaaaaaahhhhh we have fun, don't we? Does anybody want more wine?" Like how do you spell that? Did I just do it? Did you hear it in your head? I hope so. 

Okay what else... Let's see. Um. Hmm. I really really really really really really love the woods.

What else.

Hm.

I really want to go camping this summer.

Let's just all link arms and BELIEVE that this summer will be more fun than last summer. Can we just KNOW IT and maybe then it will come true? Let's try. This summer will be really fun!

This is exactly what I'm like on drugs in person too. You will need to go pee because I will have been talking that long and I'll follow you to the bathroom and just face the wall while you wipe so we can keep talking. Only I'll be like TRUST ME IT'S FINE I'M A TRAINED DOULA AND ESTHETICIAN. I CAN COACH YOU EMOTIONALLY THROUGH CHILDBIRTH AND WAX YOUR BIKINI AREA, YOU'RE SAFE WITH ME. (This is my same justification whether you are male or female or other). Also you would be able to respond so I would also listen and affirm everything you're saying but too much because of the drugs lowering my inhibitions to where I'm like almost shouting support at you and using too many words to make sure you know you're loved. 

I mean raspberries! 

Hahahaha 

Ok ok Ok Ok....

Let's see.

I can't wait to read this in the morning. Hi, me! What do you think, can you make it to work today? Please try, we're understaffed and you were really glum all day yesterday so like let's try to go. I don't think anyone well harsh your mellow. I think you'll be fine. Yes. Try. 

Ok.

I'm so excited that Pixie gets to come live with us finally. She is so sweet and lovable and the perfect size for snuggling! Can I just tell you that when I emailed my landlady this morning to ask her if she could come (because otherwise I would need to find another apartment because we miss her that much) I truly did NOT think she would say yes. At ALL. I was like ugh now I'm gonna have to look for an apartment and that's so annoying but it would be nice to live on an upper floor but I really like being this close to downtown so what the fudge now I gotta go house hunting or whatever. Then I checked my email at lunch, half-heartedly I might add, and she was like "She can come, she's so cute can't wait to meet her." And I was all *record scratch* WHAT?! Because last summer I had to like beg them just to let me get the bunny I turned out to be allergic to (note to self: sell the bunny cage). But now they're all, yes bring the dog and everybody stay one more year? One more year FROM JULY? WHAAAAAT? That seriously really did genuinely surprise me. I was like wow... Unexpected. Huh. Okay then!

So that was weird. But in a good way. I wonder if they'd let me paint an accent wall. I just like really could go for a sky blue accent wall around here. One thing at a time.

But ugh a sky blue accent wall would look tremendous in here. I wonder if I still have my forest tapestry? No... Like maybe I could paint a fake Moroccan tile on a small canvas... Do like four... That would look good too. It would be fun to look at, I mean. I need more bright greens and yellows in here too. There's WAY too much brown. Way too hobbity. Less shire, more Rivendell. No. Less Shire more that trip to India the Beatles took in the sixties, but without the disappointment.

Yeah....

So like Woodstock.

I guess that just brings us right back to brown, though.

On second thought an accent wall might be too overwhelming. I'll just add some flowers.

A fish tank! No.

No. 

No more pets. There's no room. Just Pixie in this square footage.

I feel like I'm doing a very good job typing.

I think I should eat some chocolate and I might venture into a wholesome television program. But what? Yikes.

That's tricky. I think the people on Parks and Rec genuinely all liked each other and enjoyed filming together. So I think that one feels safe right now.

Yes.

And a brownie even though they're stale. I think one would be okay. 

What about a sage green accent wall?

See that could work...

Sage green...

Sage...

Green...

Sage...

Mmmm...

Sigh.

I need to go buy some sage from Andrea. Maybe I could go tomorrow after work.

That would be nice.

I think she painted it green the other day. 

See? Green!

Ok. I'm having a lot of fun doing this but I feel like it would be inappropriate to continue.

I can feel the effects of the raspberry starting to calm down.

Contented sigh...

This is nice.

Let's do this more often.





I like pictures.


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