Dream with repeating element

 I had a dream last night - or was it this morning? - anyway. It started out where I was working at a private school that cared a lot about its reputation. Or maybe I was just interviewing there or something. The teachers I met were actually very legit, cool people. It was one of those things where they all knew all the marketing, PR type stuff they had to do was bullsh*t, but they just did it in order to continue teaching. They were all really smart and they cared about the subjects they taught, and they worked hard. I feel like I was a new person there. 

There came a moment when I asked about a teacher who had worked there, he had the same name as someone I worked with at a temp job in Austin. I'm not going to write his name here, because it was actually such a unique name that there's only one person who has it, and if I type it then like, literally if someone were to google his name this might come up. He wasn't a friend or anything really, he just had a name that sticks in your mind. Okay it rhymes with Mamba Ka. Different first letters of the two names, but that was his name. Mamba Ka. See what I mean? It's catchy. It sounds like it should be the name of a Brazilian band. So I'm not surprised it popped up in my subconscious. I was like, "Where's Mamba Ka? What ever happened to Mamba Ka?" and it turned out he had died from covid. It was upsetting. I had forgotten and I said that when I heard about that, it almost made me stop believing in God, because he had been such a good teacher. So that was weird. I might have to google the real person later and just check and see if he's still alive. 

Shifting gears. So that was an awkward moment and later things took on a totally different vibe. It's almost like two different dreams that took turns playing. So this next one I was in a friend group, maybe it was a friend group of teachers at the actual school or something. It was me, my soul sister from college, Sarah, and a few dudes we were friends with. We decided to go on a little overnight trip to party in what turned out to be Austin. East Austin vibes. We took a white van to get there. (There was a white van in another dream I had recently, I'll tie it all together at the end.) 

We went out and had fun and I don't remember much about the actual part where we were out. Nothing remarkable happened, we were just having a good time and kind of running around. Then we all ended up staying the night in a motel room that had a lot of windows. It was in an ugly shopping center and all the windows looked out onto the lackluster parking lot. We all just kind of camped out around the room. I didn't really know anyone in the group except for Sarah and then it turned out that one of the people sleeping next to me, my back was to him, was my ex-boyfriend, the last one I had before I met my ex-husband, a Scorpio. (I don't know why that's significant except I remember thinking it in the dream. I was like, oh there's so-and-so, he's a Scorpio.) He didn't try anything, I remember the feeling of my shirt being kind of up so part of my lower back was exposed, but I was too tired to pull it down. But he still didn't do anything. (He wouldn't, either, I mean he wasn't a slime ball or anything.) It was kind of a sleep paralysis feeling, where I wanted to move my shirt, but I couldn't. Then finally as I woke up I managed to reach back and pull it down. He said something like, "Hey good job, you finally got it." And I had this immediate reaction to take his compliment as an insult? And I was like, "Pssh yeah okay whatever." And he rolled his eyes and flipped me off behind my back. But I saw him and I was like, whoa! Then I realized that he had been sincere, he hadn't been making fun of me or talking down to me. And I was like "Ohhh okay, yes I have a tendency to do that. I tend to assume the worst when it comes to other people's opinions of me." I remembered that he himself did that a lot when we were together, many times when I would say something nice, he would try to find a way it could be something negative. My dead friend who was a Scorpio used to do that, too. In fact, he was still alive when I dated the other Scorpio and I remember telling him, "So I'm dating a Scorpio. Dude. You have probably misconstrued every single thing I've ever said to you and that's why you always get mad at me." 

But then it turned out that I was doing that, and the dream showed it to me. It's true, I do that! Thanks for nothing, Mars in Scorpio! Ugh. I tend to assume that people don't like me until proven otherwise. And even in an established, "I definitely enjoy you as a person," dynamic, it's like I have an autopilot setting that scans for signs that they don't like me anymore. It's a protective instinct, I suppose. It's exhausting, though. I just don't like feeling blindsided, so that's why I do that. So. Thank you, dream, for giving me something to think about. 

Moving on!

Now this one teacher from the school had shown up at the hotel room and was like, "Okay guys, the cops are coming, I'll give y'all a ride back to the school, come on, get up!" And I said, "I live in South Austin, I don't need a ride." So Sarah and I were like, no thanks we live close by. But I don't live in South Austin. I haven't lived in South Austin since 2015. However, in the dream I was certain of it. So I didn't go back with the people who accepted the ride.

Now the scene changed and I was sitting in a room with a few students and a few adults. A male student of about fourteen was sitting by me, talking. He looked down at my bracelets and was about to cut them off. I stopped him and looked down at them. I wear these two Greek bracelets called komboskini, a blue one and a black one. Niki gave me the black one and I bought the blue one for my daughter at the Greek Orthodox church in Austin, but she didn't want to wear it, so I just wear both. You're supposed to keep them on all the time. They're kind of like protection or good luck. They're connected to prayers. But now one of them was red, like the kabbalah red string bracelets. And it was only connected by a tiny thread, it was about to fall off. He was going to cut it but I said, wait! No! I looked around the room and saw Nancy, my Chicago mom who studies kabbalah. I said, "Nancy should do it." I walked over to her and showed her the bracelet. She looked at it and then grabbed some scissors and snipped it for me. Then she looked at the other bracelet (for the life of me I can't remember if it was the blue or the black that remained) and that one was down to the last thread too, so she snipped it off for me. I wanted to know what it meant, but I didn't ask her. 

Scene switch again.

Now I'm back at that motel, or out in the parking lot, and the guys Sarah and I were friends with said, "Okay come on, it's time to head back!" And I was like, "But I live in South Austin." And they were like, "No you don't, come on, we gotta go back up north." And I was like, "Oh..." So we got back into the white van. A guy I know who I haven't seen in a while but who looms large in my heart was driving the van. He didn't say anything, he was just in the driver's seat as we all piled into the car. I got in the back seat. The car started driving north. After a little while I said, "What were we all doing down there, anyway?" And everybody laughed. Then we stopped and got out, and when we got back in the guy driving told me to sit up in the front seat, so I did.

The thing about the van...

On March 5th, or the night between the 4th and the 5th, I had a dream that was really disturbing but had some similar elements. In it, I was really poor and I needed to find a better place to live and better circumstances for my daughter and me. A man named Gabe appeared and basically was going to date and/or marry me, he had a lot of money. He invited me on a date and I went back to his house, it was like we were betrothed or something, it was very strange. I had on a spring green pegnoir. And his house was very opulent and he had huge paintings of himself all over the walls. He looked like an actual person named Gabe I knew back in San Francisco, but that Gabe was a good person and this one was not. He had black hair and a black goatee and he put on a red robe. He had bad energy, but it was like I was going to try to make the best of it because I was kind of desperate. It was like I was willingly selling myself for the lifestyle he offered. (For the record, I would never do that, and I feel like my relationship record proves that because I've never dated a rich person hahaha. Not even close! But I've had offers. Eat the rich. Anyway.) Okay so this "person" Gabe then approaches me and he hands me this book about sex and he tells me that some people have a sex demon in them and it makes them turn violent in bed. And then he gets this revved up energy and he makes it clear that he's going to basically destroy me as part of this agreement. I cried out STOP! And I tell him no way, I can't do this, this isn't what I want, no amount of money is worth this. And then his family appears and laughs at me for turning him down when he has money and I have nothing, but I don't care. I leave. 

I go back home to the "boondocks" essentially, and I'm in a parking lot at night, and I see some anonymous guy I apparently know in the dream world, and I tell him what happened. He nods and then this white van shows up. The same van. It's like somewhere between a van and a bus. And then I'm on the bus, and it's mostly guys but they're friendly. In fact they are mostly teenagers from a private school (Whoa! Okay more common elements than I realized.) and I'm sitting in the back with a couple of girls, one of whom was my good friend in the dream but I don't recognize her from real life. We're driving along and we pass a Catholic church and there's a cross on the building, and these monks are outside and they see our van, it was apparently from a religious school, and they're smiling and waving at us. We smile and wave back. I was so glad to be away from the evil energy and on this bus. (I'm not Catholic but in this situation, I was safe.) Then I look to the front seat and I see a friend of mine from high school, he's sitting and smiling at me. 

So, what's significant about this friend is that he was the person who really got me into music, and he opened my mind to things like anarchy and stuff like that. More leftist philosophy. Of course I loved music before I met him, but he was a musician, and he was the first one I had ever been friends with and it was the most important thing in his life. I hadn't ever met anyone like that before. And he was the first person I had met who I considered to be a genius. He was a very good musician and very smart. Nothing romantic ever happened between us, we were just friends. Although looking back sometimes I wonder if he might have had a thing for me or not? I doubt it, though, but you never know. Anyway so in May of 2017, in Portland, I had a dream where a red-haired woman came and told me to call him, and that it was urgent. It was a message dream, and she repeated it three times. I tried to ignore it, but then I had a second dream about him. So I told my then-husband about it and I was like, hey I just want you to know that the Spirit is not letting this go and I'm just going to see if I can find out if he's even alive or not. Because of the dream I wondered maybe he's dead and the Spirit is trying to let me know. So I eventually did find out where he was living, and it turned out he was married and his wife...get this... was a red-haired woman. The exact one I had seen in my dream. So I was like, huh. And I kept getting the message to reach out to him, but I didn't have any way except to either call him at his office (I ended up finding him on the website of the company where he worked because he wasn't on social media) or write a letter to the address I found for him. 

Obviously, I was going to call a business. So, let the record show that I asked my then-husband if he would mind, I told him the whole story, and I wrote the letter. I showed the letter to my then-husband. Like, it was all above-board, there was nothing flirty or anything, I just told him I know this is weird but I had a dream that told me to reach out to you, and I'm married now with a baby and I live in Portland, just wanted to say hi and it's nice to be in touch. Here's my info if you want to reach out, that's it, bye. 

So I send the letter. 

A week goes by, and he lives on the West Coast, too, so I'm thinking like, okay the letter definitely would have arrived by now, and yet I haven't heard anything back. And I was like, wow I guess he really didn't want to be in touch, yikes, I wonder why he disappeared like that, geeze kind of tough not to take this personally, but okay, 

Then one day I'm walking home from the grocery store pushing the stroller and my then-husband was there, and I'm talking to him about it. We get to the spot across the street from the house where we lived, waiting for traffic to stop, and I suddenly look to the left as though someone had just called my name. I got this feeling like, "Wait. This friend is... HERE. He's like... RIGHT. HERE." It was the weirdest feeling. I started looking at the cars going by. I looked at the Thai restaurant on the opposite corner. I was like, this is so weird but I feel like this friend of mine is RIGHT HERE. What the poop? Then the feeling passed and we went inside.

A couple of days later I get a phone call. It's the friend. He had received my letter and was happy to be back in touch. He had just gotten back from a business trip... IN PORTLAND. Apparently my letter had arrived the day after he left, the letter had arrived and his wife had just set it aside for him to read when he got home. So that moment when I had felt like, wait he's right here, he really had been in the city. The thing about that is that I had resisted sending the later for several days, but the Spirit was more and more urgent telling me to reach out. If I had looked him up and sent the letter earlier, it would have arrived in time for his trip and I could have introduced him to my family and met up and everything. But because I had doubted and resisted, it arrived one day too late. 

Later that year, I was in the same spot on the sidewalk, pushing the stroller, I looked across the street and I saw him walking towards the Thai restaurant opposite me. We both saw each other but didn't say anything. It was awkward, but that's okay. It was confirmation that like, my dreams and intuition were stronger than I realized and that I could trust them.

I would end up really needing that knowledge in what was to come. 

So the first time I was in the back of the white van, and I saw that high school friend in the front smiling at me. I took it as a sign that like, okay you're not in the driver's seat but you're in the right place. You've made the right choice to reject whatever that guy Gabe symbolized... I suppose he symbolized marrying for money, violence, exploitation, and just evil in general. Now you're on the right path, and here's the symbol of trusting your intuition and trusting Divine timing. So just keep going. 

Now this time I got on the same van-bus, and someone else with whom I have a much stronger soul connection was actually driving it. And I had the message through my ex-Scorpio to stop assuming that people are being insincere when they're being nice to you. Also, you don't live in South Austin anymore, but maybe you will again some day, you never know. (Just let me believe that I will, I love it there so much.)

I'm not sure what the bracelet thing means though. I gotta ask Nancy.

I can't for the life of me find the exact van-bus in any images online so let's just go with a classic.


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