Screw it





Ah, fuck it. I'm a writer, and if former parents-in-law want to ban me from family events because of something I wrote on here, or if cousins with nothing better to do wanna run their mouths about me, why should I stop doing something I enjoy because of it? I knew it was going on, but they didn't know I knew. So now they know I know.

People have talked about me before and they'll keep on doing it for reasons I don't understand so whatever. It's been going on my whole life. I'm weird and my closest friends are wild-eyed wilderness prophets, corporeal and otherwise. What would my dead best friend say? He's right here, let me ask him. He says that thing he always used to say when he was alive, "You've...met you, right?" 

Anyway so I wrote this thing and put it on instagram and I enjoyed it so I thought I'd copy it over here, too.

Yesterday my dead friend's friend posted about how all of his friends have probably read Othello, and my brain gifted me this gem, "Othello, or as I like to call it, "Smack My B***h  Up." So now I want to come up with more titles for Shakespeare plays based on song titles and I'm excited. I don't know if I'll ever get around to it, but I'm excited just the same.

Mmkay here's my other post thingy.





I just went to a bookstore in Iceland and bought two paperback novels. For $46 and change. You read that right. Forty. Six. I would have put them back but I have my pride. Also I want to read them. On my way home I thought, as I often do, of how it would only take a handful of individual businesses from Texas to completely shatter and overtake the entire Icelandic economy, a favorite daydream of mine I affectionately refer to as "The Texpocalypse." It would only take one each of the following categories:
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1. Half Price Books. A used and some new books, records, cd, dvd, and random gifts store. An actual selection. Affordable prices. They also buy your old books and music. Knowledgeable and approachable staff. Browse as long as you want. There are exactly zero downsides. 
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2. A Texan taco truck. A. Singular. Any one you like. Just...any truck. Selling tacos. From Texas. For like three dollars. Would put every single restaurant in Reykjavík out of business. Overnight. Okay, in maybe a week. Overnight if they started doing chicken and waffles like one Sunday a month. 
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3. Any thrift store. Again, an actual selection with affordable prices. Especially the kind selling out of the back of an old school bus under a tent in a parking lot. But really any one will do. Actual selection. Plenty of inventory. Affordable prices. Friendly staff who isn't building their personal brand of cold and frowning on three moth-eaten overcoats for $200 a piece. (Are you sensing a pattern yet?)
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4. Any Austin, Texas coffee shop. Any one. Not right downtown. Branch out a little, then stop in the middle of the sidewalk, close your eyes, spin around in a circle and point. Open your eyes. Sure, that one will do. Dark coffee. Drinks for under five dollars. Food. Ample, comfortable seating. Staff that smiles and learns your name if you chat a little and show up often enough. This could also be exchanged for any Pacific Northwest drive-thru pure methamphetamine - I mean espresso - shack. That sh*t will have you seeing through time before you're halfway down the block.
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HEB: The Avenging Angel. Exactly one of these all by itself would destroy the nation. And leave it begging for more.

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