Sam Cooke At Sunset
I just walked for like 40 minutes by the seaside to my ex's apartment and back to bring my kid her pajamas and clothes for tomorrow. I could have just driven but I felt like walking. It was super windy, it felt good. I probably should have worn a hat, but I like to feel the wind in my hair. I was listening to Sam Cooke on the way back. That voice... I'm so angry that they assassinated him. It's not right.
The sun was setting already as I was heading home, and it made the bottoms of the some of the clouds shine really bright. I was thinking about how, in parts southwest of here, it's still daylight out. The sun is still high in the sky. I imagined being back in California, lying on the beach, sifting the golden sand through my fingers over and over again, getting tan. Smiling. Closing my eyes and drifting off for a little while. With Sam's voice and plaintive violins in my ear, I closed my eyes and could almost feel the warm sun on my skin. I still have friends left in this world. Believe it or not, there are people out there who don't hate me. Plenty of people think I'm like, pretty fun to be around. Some even find me charming! It's true.
When all this is over, maybe I'll go back there. I can just pretend it's the 60's. I'll just get a job and take my baby to the beach, and if I get lonely I'll go lay in the sand and everything will feel right again. This life isn't all that long. It'll be done in a flash, and then there's eternity. No biggie.
Whatever happens, happens. I'm already at least halfway to death. I'll do whatever it is I'm supposed to do, and then I'll go to the beach.
I feel like that's a good plan.