"Out beyond the ideas of right doing and wrongdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."
To Do Today:
1. Go to this store called "Istanbul Market" to see if they have any strong Turkish coffee to satisfy my craving for a dark roast. I mean really dark. Black as Abaddon. That dark. I might walk there but I might just see if I can get a ride because I walked a lot yesterday and my toes are a little sore.
2. Make a batch of my homemade deodorant. Store-bought just doesn't work the same. The only problem is I can't find my lavender essential oils, I only have Rosemary (for hair tonic) and Clary Sage. So I gotta find a combo that works.
3. Cook dinner. I'm a make some pork and onion stew with chili powder and this Moroccan spice mix, with homemade tortillas.
4. Circle tonight.
I had an amazing astrology session with my friend Donna (seriously, treat yourself). This morning during my prayer/meditation time I asked for some signs that I'm on the right path and that everything is as it should be, that things are going to be all right. After talking to Donna, long story short: they are. We talked for quite a while and it was amazing. Everything... Like... It's like I'm too tired from all of the wonder to even type it all out. Let's just say, It's all happening.
One of the things she's told me to do is start recollecting and writing down things I know for sure, and share them as I'm guided.
So here's one.
In life, people often want us to justify our decisions and explain ourselves, especially when we do something that goes against the grain. And you know what? You really don't have to. Like, at all.
When you're in a relationship with someone, for example, and they don't hit you, they pay for all your shit, they don't cheat on you... In other words, they uphold their end of the social contract of what makes a good partner or spouse... And you leave them anyway? That's a wildly unpopular decision to make. You're not supposed to do that. Especially if you're a woman, but honestly this works for any gender (or no gender at all if that's your deal). You've broken your end of the bargain. As a collective, we've decided that if one partner checks those boxes of what's socially acceptable and upstanding, and the other partner is somehow still dissatisfied, to the point of ending the arrangement and walking out, well, now you got some 'splainin' to do, Lucy.
But guess what, Lucy? Or Lucio, or Luce, Luciano, Lucia... You ain't gotta 'splain nothin' if you don't want to. Hear me?
Because guess what. There's more to life than checking little boxes on a list and calling that good. We are so much more than that. We need so much more than that. We need the real deal. At least I do.
I met this guy who could be like a "Stella Got Her Groove Back" source of entertainment and conviviality. Like, I could experiment with being a cougar and have myself a fun little fling. And I seriously considered it. But, like... That, too, feels like just checking a box. (No pun intended!) Like, yeah, I could have a fling and get a physical release, and that would be fine. I have every right to do so, and hey, I might end up making that late night phone call yet. But to what end? What purpose would that serve on my path? Is that really in alignment with who I am? Honestly it's not. I'm the real deal and that's what I want. But getting the offer from a much younger guy, who thought I was ten years younger than I actually am, was a very-much-needed self-esteem boost, and for that I am thankful. Like, yes, okay, I still got it. I can still turn a head or two. I'll take that. That's a nice feeling.
But I'm an old soul.
Am I being too cryptic? That's not my usual style, sorry.
When I told some of my friends that I was going to move back to Iceland because of mystical reasons that make no sense to most people, my earthiest earth sign friend said to me, "Well, what's your contingency plan? You do have a contingency.... RIGHT?!"
Of course I don't have a contingency, I never do. My contingency is that I'm a Pisces moon and the inside of my head is like a bedouin tent made out of Rumi quotes that have somehow been made 3-dimensional, furnished with piles of oriental rugs and hanging lanterns. I've never had a contingency in my life. I know it will work out because Jesus told me it would in a shamanic journey, I don't know how much more of a contingency you need, Capricorn friend! Like... *scoff*... come on!
I guess I just needed to write this as a way to jot down a few notes to myself, and maybe someone else needed to read them, too.
You don't have to listen to the people who are afraid to break the social contract. You don't have to live inside the bookshelf-shaped rules. You know what I mean? They look like... straight up and down bookshelves. Inside those rules. You can't lounge or breathe in those. You have to sit up straight. You can't slouch. You can't recline. You can't dream. But they make a lot of people feel safe, and that's okay. For them.
Me? I had to climb out of there and pitch my tent in the proverbial cosmic desert sand, man. And furnish it with rugs and lanterns. And decorate the outside with poems written in calligraphy. And rest and lounge and dream a little. And every once in a while step outside and look up (and down) at the stars and breathe deeply. Knowing that... I guess, in a way... There is no path but this path. The detours were also the path. We are neither getting in our own way or out of our own way, but we are on our way, as Donna says (she's a Sagittarius). You can never take a wrong step because when you look back later you can see all the threads, tracing the path and weaving together... How far back to they go, anyway? What is destiny, and why does it seem like the more chaotic things seem the more nihilists just seems to be dead wrong? That God is the god of compassion, and reconciliation, and of bringing together what was once torn asunder, and of light, and peace. And, of course, most of all, the god of Love. The path is the contingency, especially when it presents as a leap into the unknown.
Do the thing you're guided to do, especially when it comes from deep within, and it makes no sense to the bookshelf people.