I'm Not Czechoslovakian.

A funny thing happened at the pool today. Number one, I finally got over my fear of showering in the ladies' locker room, which is a whole thing I was going to write about but then I stayed up until three in the morning chatting with my friends on zoom (which means pulling cards, dream interpreting, divining messages from the ethers for each other, etc), and I'm just too tired for a whole big ol' thing. So, suffice it to say, instead of being mortified to do the requisite naked shower in the women's locker room before swimming, I did a naked stride of pride.


Like this only naked.
But here's the thing... and I think on some level I knew this would happen if I went to that pool, because it's not a tourist destination and it's pretty local, in a cozy neighborhood with a hot dog stand and a preschool like right there. At some point, the energy turned... And I felt really at home all of a sudden. Going swimming has a way of doing that no matter where you are, am I right? Water is groovy that way. But I just like, started feeling really peaceful. This weird (to me) feeling of like, feeling kind of settled. Like I started thinking about my child going to school here, and like, learning the language, and doing cute little shows and stuff like for holidays when parents come in and the kids get up on a little stage or something and sing holiday songs and it's adorable. I want her to make new friends and feel happy and confident again. 

I don't know if this is how most people feel on a regular basis, but like, I suddenly started feeling really safe? And like I don't actually...want... to... leave? I feel like most people reading this would be like, "Yeah that's called normal life." Okay, but for me it's a very unusual feeling. But it's kind of nice. It's like, oh. Maybe that's like, what being "home" feels like? Or something?


I know there will be days where something makes me mad and I'll go full Davy Crockett with a, "You can all go to hell and I'm going to Texas!" But dramatically flouncing out of rooms in a fit of emotion is just part of my annoying brattiness charm. Somewhere between my Venus in Leo and my two drops of Mediterranean blood lies the blame for that. 


My sister and I both have Venus in Leo and we have sent this meme to each other multiple times for reasons that would be OBVIOUS if ANYONE cared enough about our FEELINGS to NOTICE! *flounces out in Greek* *slams door in French* *throws self face down on bed and sobs in Czechoslovakian* *I just felt like typing Czechoslovakian*

Is it weird that I've never felt that before? It is, isn't it. Shit, I knew it. Well, guess what, I'm weird and I'm fine with that.

So I had a very strange experience of feeling comfortable and at home and not particularly wanting to leave any time soon. And it was peaceful and jarring and comfortable but also uncomfortable but mostly really nice, actually, which is weird because it should freak me out but it doesn't. And I had french fries today with the french fry spice that isn't spicy but it tastes good and I had forgotten about that. 

So today I went swimming, felt really at home and peaceful, and enjoyed my french fries. And did a naked stride of pride in the locker room. 


All in all, a pretty okay Saturday.



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