I'm glad I came here.

So, I'm here. 

People I once trusted to be there for me have disappointed me. So I'm cutting those cords and freeing up my energy to give back to myself.

Recently, I went to a nice little park that looks like a fairyland. I found myself telling the land spirits that I was home now and that I would never move away again. Our land spirits don't mess around, so I might as well start saving up for a house.

Make no mistake that I know that not everyone wants me here. There's more than one person who wishes I had never come. More than one person who wishes I didn't live on the street where I live. More than one person who thinks it's crazy that I'm here. Or thinks I'm here for them, or because of them. 

Well, all of that's just too bad for them.

I moved here because the Great Spirit and my ancestors told me to. I rented this place because it was the only one that was available, and the vibes inside make it a sanctuary. I'm not crazy. And I'm not here for anyone except me and my little girl.

Frankly, I know I'm a better person in every single way than the people who think those things about me. 

I know who I am.

I'm not afraid of anyone. 

I'm going to walk wherever I want to walk, all over this town. I'm going to shop wherever I want to shop. I'll go out when I want to go out, wherever I want to go, and with anyone I want. If I bump into anyone who finds it awkward that I'm there, they can leave. I'm not leaving. 

I was born here, too, and I belong here just as much as anyone, if not more.

I know that one day, probably sooner than I think, I'll get married again. This time I'll wear a gold ring, and I'll get married in a church, and I won't have to rationalize any of my feelings, and nobody will be invited except my two best friends. It will be with the one I'm meant to be with. And I'll have another beautiful baby. I'll have a happy home. In fact, I already do have a happy home of two, me and my baby.

I've got a message for everyone who's ever been hurt by trying to love people who aren't good enough for you. It's one I write for myself, but you can feel free to say it to yourself, too.

I wasn't made this beautiful, 
I wasn't made this brilliant,
I wasn't made this adept, 
I wasn't made this clairvoyant,
this glorious,
this guided by the Spirit and guarded by angels,
I wasn't made this tough,
and fearless, 
and hilarious,
and adventurous, 
and grace-filled, 
and honest,
and compassionate,
and magical,
and loving,
to sit around and wait for another human being to come along and approve of me. 



I'm gonna walk my feet all over this neighborhood, all over this city, all over this country, all over this earth, without fear. 

You think I don't notice when "certain" people pass me on the street and they get nervous? I know y'all are scared. You don't have to be. I'm not here for you. I see exactly what y'all are about, and not to be mean, but, frankly, I'm unimpressed. Whole lotta not much at all. Smoke and mirrors. Lying to yourselves and others. Nothing special. Well suited to each other and your situation. Textbook. Boring. I'm glad I saw it with my own eyes because now I'm not upset. I overestimated y'all. 

So anyway, I'm getting job interviews, and I feel something good on the horizon! Enjoying this time at home with my baby before school starts and work starts and things change and we're busy again. It feels good to be happy again. 

I'm glad I came here.


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