Lion Love

I was so inspired by the documentary Winter On Fire that I watched last night, about the Ukrainian uprising of the winter of 2013-2014 to join the European Union. I'm going to watch it again because I was multi-tasking during a couple of parts and missed them. 

I really loved seeing the unity of all of the people who participated, and especially the courage and strength of the young people of my generation. It isn't often that we see images of us millenials putting their lives on the line for the cause of freedom and future generations. 

The fact that this film found me at a time when I'm about to be single and "on the market" again is kind of perfect, because it shows me that there are strong, principled men out there in my age group who, with any luck, might be single or divorced and that I might find someone after all. 

Is it weird that a movie about a revolution gives me hope about my love life? Not if you know me even a little bit.

It was also cool seeing the church leaders on the side of the people and in the streets sometimes literally taking bullets for the cause. I found out recently that there is an Orthodox church in Reykjavik, they're trying to get a church built but for now services are held in a house. On paper I'm Greek Orthodox, so it's nice knowing that I can go somewhere to take communion when I feel the need. They're mostly Eastern Europeans who go to that church, and I told the priest who baptized me about it when he called me the other day, and he said it's fine, that all churches started in houses even back in Jesus' day, and as long as it's Orthodox it's fine for communion and such. So, as I suspected, I'm probably about to make friends with a lot of my distant cousins on my dad's side, hahaha. That's fine by me!

The idea of dating again feels a little strange. I'm certainly not planning on like, actively playing the field or anything. I don't think there's a very wide pool of available men my age over there anyway. Just like with everything, I will let Great Spirit lead me to the right one. 

I have a friend of many years who, back when he was engaged to be married but not yet married, used to text me late at night while his fiancee was asleep and try to get me to sext with him. There had always been chemistry between us and we had liked each other back in the day, so he asked me if I would sleep with him before he was legally married, after which he was supposedly planning on being fully committed and faithful. I declined. 

On the one hand, he's my friend and I've known him for many years, so it didn't really surprise me. On the other hand, I was kind of hurt that he would even ask. Like, you've... met me, right? When have I ever accepted sloppy seconds from anyone, or even hooked up with anyone I wasn't dating? The answer is a resounding NEVER.

And I never will.

What other people do with their genitals is none of my business, unless they make it my business, but as for me and my body, we need to be more than a side piece to walk with our head held high.

Being in a crumbling marriage for years may have broken me down for a while, but honestly? The Lord picked me back up and restored me, and even gave me an upgrade while He was at it. I'm back and better than EVER, baby! I'm stronger, I have more self-love and more self-respect, and the things that used to tempt me simply do not anymore. This time last year I was broken down and weary, but even then I promise you, I was never trying to be someone's ho. In the words of the illustrious Lizzo...
"Hey I'm glad you're back with your b*tch 
I mean who would want to hide this?
I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be your side chick."
In the time before, falling for a guy who then turned around and tried to make me be a secret piece of ass on the side would have really broken my heart and made me feel sad. But thanks to stepping back into the Light, it just makes me feel disappointed. And honestly, I feel sorry for a guy who lives his life like that. How about respecting yourself, son? And what about your woman? It kind of seems to me like if you were in love with her, then no other woman would even turn your head or cross your mind. I think you might need to sit with yourself and search your heart for what you really want out of your life. I have a hard time believing that you wake up every day with peace in your heart and love in your eyes when you're going around seeing how many puppet strings you can get away with pulling. And if you have children or plan on having any, you really want to think about how you would feel if your father was treating your mother that way, and if you would want your child to learn from your behavior. Because they learn by watching what we do, not by hearing what we say. If you don't want to be in a true relationship with your child's mother, that's okay. But you need to show her, your child, and yourself some respect by being honest about that and go about co-parenting in a positive, healthy way. Then you can follow your heart to a love that will keep you faithful for life, or just commit to being single and upfront about it. 

I don't want a piece of ass on the side for myself, and I don't want to be one, either.

And again, you've met me, right? If you're even asking me, then it means that you really don't know me, you have no connection to me, you don't know my heart at all, we might as well be strangers. See, I have parents who love me. I'm lucky that way. They raised me up with love and also love each other. I never saw my dad disrespect my mom, ever. They aren't perfect people, but I never had any doubt that they loved me or that I was worthy of the best that life had to offer. 

For a long time, I was on a path that felt like a detour, and while I learned a lot along the way, and nothing can take the place of the wisdom I earned, I'm relieved to have found the road that has me waking up feeling strong, safe, watched over, and filled with a peace in my heart that is not of this world. There's nothing I could do to bring myself to this point, except to ask for help from above. And "above" delivered, big time.

So, yes, I am available. But I'm only available for love that respects me, values me, sees and treats me as an equal, declares itself in the bright light of day. No slinking around in the dark, in shadows, in back alleys. No secret messages or secret meetings. No way. Uh-uh. You've seen me, right? Who in their right mind would want to hide this?! Nobody with half a brain!

The strong lion who will be my king is going to recognize me as the queen that I am. He won't make me wonder or guess what he's feeling, won't try to hide me from the world, but will be proud to honor me the way I'll honor him. There's nothing sexier than a man who does right by his bride and commits to her fully, and a woman that does the same for him.  

I'm a grown woman, not a plaything. I'm a queen, not a ho. I'm wife material, not mistress material. Anyone who doesn't see that needs to step aside so the one who does can get to me.


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