You Can Get PTSD Delivery Or Curbside Pickup

I feel like I'm going to have PTSD from this virus. We're here hunkered down for going on six weeks. Yesterday, I had to go out to get flour at jacked up prices from a café that's selling grocery items (you can't get it at the stores, thanks to hoarders). I brought babygirl with me and thought we'd walk outside or something on the neighborhood where the cafe is. One woman showed up at a small park with her teenage son and dropped like five soccer balls on the ground and spread them all out so he could practice drills. Using up the WHOLE area so no one can safely distance. On a sunny fucking Sunday afternoon. So I found an even tinier park, essentially just a lawn with a park bench, and BG gets to run around a little bit. I was determined to find a spot because that morning she had said, "Mamma can we go outside somewhere? Some place with no ceiling? Just outside?" The playgrounds all have police tape on them and are closed.

We drove past Mueller Park on our way to get the flour, and it was FULL of people having a great time, no masks, playing outside, living life. There is a shelter-in-place order and mask order and easily half the population isn't following it! It's gaslighting as hell, I feel like a sitting duck just waiting to catch this thing and people are out there just dragging the whole process out.

I asked my sister-in-law what it's like to get groceries in Iceland and stuff. I've received ZERO information from my ex even though he has had hours-long phone calls with some of his friends back home recently. She was telling me about the rules at the grocery store and stuff. And how you can get home delivery too, usually same day.

SAME DAY?! I ordered groceries for delivery a week ago and I still have to wait another week. The group chat with my friends is dominated by us alerting each other to which stores finally have ANY delivery or curbside pickup time slots available in the next few days, or seven days, or two weeks. Or if you have a paid Costco membership you can get your items sooner. Mine is expired. 

People are still hoarding, still stockpiling. You can't find disinfecting cleaner, rubbing alcohol, whole wheat bread, eggs, bananas, salad, etc. If you get a good instacart shopper, they'll text you the whole time they're shopping and ask you what you want instead if the store is out of something, others are not so good and you end up with crap you don't want or need.

If you get the virus, you just have to stay home and do the best you can unless you get to the point where you can't breathe, then you call 911.

There's no doctor calling you every day to ask you how you're doing, there's no app to track your symptoms, no one tracking down everyone you've talked to in the past two weeks to get them tested, nothing like that. You're just on your own.

You have to clean like your life depends on it because it literally could. It's so exhausting on every level.

Then on top of all of that, you've got people who are having a great time grilling out in the yard (I live in an apartment), going out to state parks to hike and have an awesome day, people who completely disregard the danger and make you feel like you're overreacting. And people on the other side who are sick and fearing for their lives.

I was thinking about how when I get there, when we leave here... Trying to imagine going into a grocery store with no mask? Or just going in to shop, or going to a playground? I feel like I'm going to be shell-shocked or something.

At least I have the option to leave.


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