Soul Sisters

I don't even know where to begin with this visit from my soul sister. There's so much there. You know after you do a lot of growth and healing it takes a little while for the energy to rearrange itself? That's where I am. It was a lot. And it's in the body too. She and I were both like weirdly bloated her whole visit, I can see it in some of the pictures and videos like, whoa I don't normally look like that! But then she left early, early, early Sunday morning, and I slept half the day (my daughter had stayed with my parents), and I could hear A. milling around the apartment, but I stayed in bed. It was so quiet without my baby girl there, and I noticed that without her home and with Sarah gone I felt no particular urge to get out of bed until I went to my parents to go get her. So that was important to note for the next time guilt about moving apart tries to guerrilla attack me. When I finally did get up to change clothes and go get the baby, I saw in the mirror that I looked more like my old self, and checked on the scale just to see... several pounds gone. See? The body knows!

Back when I first got together with my ex-capricorn, I had a dream that Sarah called me and told me that she and he were in love and were going to be together and that she'd be in Iceland a lot and I just needed to accept it. I freaked out and raged in the dream. But this weekend I told her about it and I was like, hey at least I would know that I loved you and we could all be a big family and that you'd love my child as your own! The next morning she came into my room and accused me of causing her to dream that there was a vibe between her and him, and it freaked her out. I didn't do it! I can't do that! But she insisted that I can and that I did. I really didn't but it was still funny. Hey, you never know. Honestly, I'd be more bummed out by the idea of her liking him better than me rather than the other way around. But women's friendships are different. We have that bond over certain things even when we don't particularly like each other, so I don't think it would break us apart. Why am I talking about this?! Ah, no one reads these anyway, who cares.

When I'm on my computer later I'm gonna assemble our ever growing list of things we have in common even after twelve years apart. It's super cool and not dorky at ALL, and I should remember to add "enjoy list-making" to the list. Have you ever read those stories of twins separated at birth who meet later in life and then turn out to have all these things in common? It felt very similar to that. There are differences. Like, she makes spreadsheets and enjoys her office job and is excellent at managing her money (she's going to show me how, I strongly suspect it involves sitting still and being organized) and actually holds down jobs for years at a time. I'm not so much on the pragmatic end of things. But I'm going to teach her how to ground and protect herself psychically so she doesn't absorb other people's energies and can discern what she's seeing better.

At one point I got kind of thrown off by something that happened and needed to talk to her. But she was in the living room with everybody, so I went out and just said, "Hey can you come do me a favor?" and she looked at me with like, my same facial expression that I would use in that situation (so freaky, I don't think I could handle being an actual twin), and just nodded and followed me out so I could tell her about it. At another point we were driving and she was telling me about something to do with credit scores but a good song came on so I asked her to pause so I could just listen to it. I was slightly worried she'd be offended but she listened, it was kind of a gritty rock song, and after a minute she goes, "Mm, this is a nice one." I was like, "Right? So good!"

We also both avoid eye contact with other people habitually because we see too much when we do. But we are perfectly fine with eye contact with each other. This may not seem like a big deal to normal people, but it's very rare that I can just look at someone's eyes for more than a couple seconds at a time without breaking away. It's the things you appreciate more when you're older and have met more people, like hey this thing we have turned out to actually be pretty rare! 

And people who bother us on the astral seem to have been confused and got us mixed up. Because one morning I woke up and there was this nasty dude with a couple of henchmen encroaching in on my quiet weekend morning hazy intuitive time, and it turned out to be someone she knows. Then after she got home she was like, "Hey Austin's delicious spiritual vibes followed me home but also there's someone mean here who knows you and I think they're confused can you help me get rid of it?" Obviously I did, lickety split, no shit, but it was just so funny how even the nasties were like,  "Wait a minute, you're not Ron."

I'm going to write more as I'm able to kind of sort through everything, but the main takeaway is as follows:

During our separation, I always thought that I had exaggerated how connected she and I had been back in the day. So I was all prepared to like, not bring up politics and for her to be different and for things to be awkward. What I was not at all prepared for? That in real life we turned out to be even more connected than we had originally thought. Even taking into account the cosmic way she heard me calling to her and tracked me down. It was still deeper and more like, evident and synced up than we expected. So... That's, like... Um, pretty cool. I guess. I could use much better words but it's one of those things in life that really just kinda shuts my mouth. For once.

Ocean Beach, San Francisco, California 


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