Then You Fly

I finally see it. 
Everything so clear. 
In the middle of the night,
in the middle of the dark,
in the middle of my closet,
breathing through a heart attack.

You two are planets. 
I'm a star. 
You're in orbit.
Rolling through my gravity,
spinning through my light,
but always out of reach.

One's afraid to get too close or speak.
One's afraid to do anything but talk 
and too afraid to leave.

Neither of you
have a clue 
of what I've been through.

These gray hairs.
This tired smile.
These fading eyes.

I see it now.

I keep giving.
Boys keep taking.
I think I can heal them.
They think they can trick me.
They hit the snooze button
on my love. 
Again and again.
And again. 
And again.

Y'all didn't see me lying on the couch,
finishing up bleeding,
eating ice cream from the tub. 
Frozen peas in my bra
to dry the milk up,
sobbing because
I saw a baby on TV
who looked a lot like me.

I was told my sacrifice
would never be in vain.
We wouldn't be poor anymore.
We would move.
You would change.

Then she came.
I sobbed over her head.
Baptized with my tears. 
Finally here
and beautiful
but I was trapped.
Didn't want to leave her
just to work some shit job
when you could have kept your promise 
made things right for both of us. 

But here we are.
Nothing changed. 
Same old story. 
Nothing to our name.

Both you boys,
hear the words
born from my mouth:
If I wasn't worth it to you then,
you aren't worth it to me now. 

You aren't the only ones
who wanted to be stars.
I was gonna make it.
I was gonna go far.

But I settled for love.
One-sided, it seems.
Hit the snooze button
on my own dreams.

I made the choice.
It's down to me.
No more blame, but
it's time to be free.

I look around.
I'm not alone.
I'm spinning
through a galaxy
of stars like me. 

I got my girl,
dream come true.
She copies me.
I'll show her
what to do.

Come on, baby,
take my hand.
We can make it
if I try.
Do like mamma: 
first you crawl,
then you walk,
then you run,
then you fly.


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