Om Eim Hrim Klim Chamundaye Vichei Namaha

Hi there, readers! I have Google Analytics so I know I have readers. I also know where you are, and what time you come here, how much time you spend on each page, what kind of phone you have, even what internet provider you're using. It's actually a huge invasion of privacy and kind of shocking that it's a completely free service. I had no idea it would be so informative when I signed up, I just wanted to see how many page views I was getting. 

So, hi there! You're up awfully late, aren't you?

I had my picture taken the other day because I want to go on auditions again and my headshots are pretty old. The photographer is a friend and we were talking about my breakup. He asked if I was sad about it at all. I said, "Nope. Just about the wasted time." If I could do it all over again, would I? Honestly, no. I believe that my daughter was meant to be my daughter in this lifetime, and that we would have been together no matter what, no matter who I married, or if I'd married no one at all. But at least it's over while I'm still young and energetic. And at least I grew up experiencing major change every couple of years, so I'm not afraid to start all over. I actually thrive on it. Staying in the same place is what freaks me out. I'm excited to move on. Less than a year to go now before I've got everything where I want it and I can do my own thing. 

I'm not worried about any future breakups either. If I can make peace with the end of my seven year marriage without looking back, you think a few months of crushing on someone will trip me up? No, ma'am. A marriage is a real end. Dating, crushes, stuff like that are just illusions. And ladies, by the time you reach my age, and you bring forth a human life into the world, and touch the eternal, and even literally experience the afterlife, you kind of start to see that stuff coming a mile away. You put on a good show, you pretend you care about saving it. No, really, try it. Say you still care. It will make them show their true colors. They'll either be like, okay sweet, let's do this! Or they'll be afraid and pretend to let you down gently. A little trick I learned. If you use it, just know that they don't like that. They like to think you're sweetly waiting for them forever or some shit. You have to not care if they call you crazy or a bitch or say you've changed and you used to be so sweet and now you're bitter. But you know the score. When it's over, it's been over. You both know it. It's a relief. 

It's like waking up from a dream you can't remember. 

Just like death!

(Yep. You won't even remember your own name. So have fun!)

I've got some money coming my way, so I think I might take a little trip to San Diego for my birthday, and take my daughter with me to Europe around Thanksgiving. Probably Austria, maybe I'll stop in Dublin on the way there or back. It will be a lot to travel just the two of us, but I've been her primary caregiver this whole time, I can handle it. It'll give us an opportunity to practice for when we're finally in our own place.

So many things have happened that have led to me basically not caring about holding onto the past. Now I don't have to pretend to care about staying on good terms with ex-people. Ex-family, ex-friends, ex-nothings. It's super liberating. Just like death! 

Mercury retrograde brings you back to the past. I had a feeling this one would be a doozy, and it is, but I was worried it would be in a bad way. But it's not, it's really, really good. That Chamundi mantra really works. She's a goddess who destroys evil and protects the ones who call on her from any negative influence. And if you're a woman who chants her mantra, you get a really nice confidence boost, too. She's here for us. She takes negativity and goes, "Hey, see this? I'm going to get rid of this for you, it's holding you back." And you're like, "Are you sure? I was thinking I could save it for a rainy day." And she's like, "Umm, no. It's gone." And then you see it for what it really is and go, "Omg thank you so much, yes, that was long overdue."

She's like Marie Kondo only she looks slightly different:

Don't be scared, she's on your side.

The other night I had a dream that an old woman with long white hair in a Mexican style dress was standing in front of a row of little bunnies talking to them and me. She said, "Ah yes, it's coming! Look for it! Look for it in Mayans and in rabbits. Look for it in Mayans and in rabbits. It's coming!"

Mayans and rabbits? Oh! I know her!

This is Ix Chel (pronounced ee-shell). She's a Mayan goddess with multiple aspects. One is holding a rabbit and sitting with the Moon. In that aspect she's a midwife. I remember her from when I asked for her help getting pregnant. She delivered! And then I delivered... a baby girl. Badum-bum. Ching!

So she's back, as a midwife, in this time of transition, to help me birth my new life.

Mama, I'm ready. I've come back to my own soul. I'm home.


Popular Posts