Nothing I Can Say, It's A Partial Eclipse Of The Moon During Mercury Retrograde

Originally posted July 16, 2019

We're halfway through Mercury retrograde, and today there is a full moon in Capricorn, partial lunar eclipse, while the Sun is in Cancer, all of which is hugely significant in my natal chart, so I might as well jump in with both feet and post a blog. 

I feel like I've been busy lately, but mostly I've been a bit of a hermit waiting for the planets to go direct, and focusing on the lessons they're teaching me. I've been keeping up with my mantra practice, and I give it credit for helping me stay as centered as I've managed to during a planetary influence that usually messes me up, and allowing me to receive benefits this time around.

So I have been busy, but not as much in the outer world as the inner.

Last week, I interviewed Heather Mackay of Rare Bird Medicine and we filmed it. We had a blast talking about all things cosmic and delicious. I had to learn how to use iMovie to edit down our two hour long conversation, and I still have to make it shorter so I can get it onto youtube and post it here on the blog. Learning how to use technology you've never tried before during Mercury Rx was tricky, but I think I'll be able to get it done by the deadline I gave myself, which was tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

I plan to do more videos as they come up organically, of local "people who do cool things" where we sit down and talk about the things they do that interest me. It'll be fun! 

Anyone else with moon in Pisces having major message dreams lately? Mine continue to be off-the-charts, and so have journeys and meditations. I'm still feeling a little hazy in my writing with the planets doing whatever they're doing and the peak of the eclipse going on now, but I'll do my best.

Let me consult my notes, I've been writing them down... Let's see...

I dreamt that I was standing on a rooftop in London talking to an angel. The angel looked really shell-shocked. She stared in my eyes unblinking, almost in disbelief. I can't remember now what I was saying to her, but I was holding open a small pouch that contained several "marijuana cigarettes," she took one and put it to her lips without taking her eyes off mine. She had the face of someone who couldn't believe the mundane things the person in front of them was saying when something horrible was going on right in front of them. 

She said, "Look there, over the river." I looked, it was the Thames, and we were looking at what I think was the Parliament building at night, we were across the river from it, and the city beyond. The sky glowed orange, but I couldn't tell what was happening. 

I don't know if you believe in angels, reader, but if you've ever dreamt of one or think you've met one, you know that they have a way of communicating with you without actually speaking. You just know what they want you to know all of a sudden. So after she told me to look over the river, she asked me what was I doing, and gave me the sense that I had been wasting time on distractions, about which I fully agree with her and know to be true. She said that it's time to come home to myself, to give to myself, increase my happiness, raise my vibration, so that I can, in turn, help to reveal light and raise the vibration of this planet.

And she wanted me to share her message with any and all of my fellow spiritual people, too. If you feel that's you, then hear this: Come home to yourself, love yourself, nourish yourself, and in turn help to raise the vibration of the world. My fellow reiki healers and reiki masters, we need to be giving reiki to the world as well. It's urgently needed. Once again, the message that I keep getting over and over this whole year is one that I will repeat here again, that the work that we do on the spiritual plane has a real and lasting effect on the physical plane so don't give up, persevere, and believe in yourself. The world needs our help, we have to tilt the balance. (Definitely still do concrete things to help in the real world, too, of course.)

You can imagine I was a little shaken up when I awoke from that one. But I didn't waste it. I practiced a spiritual tool that I'm actually going to teach in a few weeks at my women's woo-woo spirituality group. It's about returning to your soul's source, wherever/whatever that may be, and refilling your being with your own energy when you feel depleted. 

I've been feeling very drained of my own energy for, let's face it, years, but especially the past several months. So I decided to sit down and really dedicate a full meditation session to working with this tool so I can help myself out and prepare to teach it to others. I began with repetitions of the Great Chamundi Mantra, which I'm doing every day for forty days (at least) to cleanse myself from any and all negativity that I've inflicted upon myself, and to protect me from outer bad vibes and strengthen me. She worked her magic, removed and demolished a lot of stuff that needed clearing out. Most invigorating!

After that, it was time to call my energy back to me. I was kind of surprised by where I went to do so. It's a place I saw in a dream years ago, and that I've revisited in meditation, but never considered would be linked to my soul's source. But, there I went, and it ended up making sense, and one of my oldest and most powerful, intimate guides showed up, a goddess who I won't name here because for once I consider something too private to post on this blog, showed up for me. She looked me over and basically told me, "Look at yourself, you're a mess!" I just kind of replied, "I know!" I wasn't upset or anything, just really wobbly and weak. But she's a loving goddess, so she helped me get myself together, told me where my soul is from, and then said, "Our mission is Love. And Love is the only mission that matters." When I opened my eyes and came out of the meditation, I felt radiant. 

That night, I had a dream about the Dalai Lama. He was sitting in front of me and saying that some lay people might not take him seriously because they think he doesn't understand life, that he's too far removed from the struggles of regular people. But, he said, he has had his share of struggles too, and he studied under a very strict master/teacher for at least a decade in his younger days. (I don't know if that is true, that's just what the dream said.) I felt a little guilty because I have often thought that about monks and nuns and the like. Afterwards, I learned that to dream of a religious figure like him is considered very good fortune in the Buddhist tradition. 

I've also been chanting the Aham Prema ("I am divine love") mantra every day. (I might do simple recordings of myself reciting the mantras with no fancy background music or anything so people can hear the intonations and try them out.) It feels wonderful. If you've ever felt warm, golden love in your heart before, then the way you feel after 108 rounds of Aham Prema will feel very familiar to you, only possibly better, more beautiful and pure. I've decided to go for something called Mantra Siddhi with that mantra. That's where you chant a mantra 125,000 times (for the lowest level) until it is "seated" in you. Basically, the energy of the mantra, the vibration that comes from chanting it, lives in you at all times, and everywhere you go, you bring that energy with you. Or, as Thomas Ashley-Farrand (also known as Namadeva) put it in his book, Mantra Meditation, "The person who has achieved Mantra Siddhi becomes a bulb shining with the vibration of that mantra." I can't think of a better light to shine that the light of divine love. It will probably take me the better part of a year to do so, and I'm looking forward to it, because I love chanting that mantra, and the way it makes me feel. 

So I've been using those two mantras to reset my energy: cleansing, protecting, and invigorating with one and vibrating at the wavelength of love with the other. It's felt amazing up to this point, and they're a lot shorter than the ones I was doing before, so I can get at least 108 repetitions of each done in just a few minutes. 

The last bit of news for now is that I'm signed up for a Buddhist retreat where I'll learn and receive the Kalachakra Empowerment (just as a blessing, I'm not planning on taking any vows) in upstate New York. It might seem like a bit much, even for me, but I feel like it's all coming together at the right time and I'm ready.

I had that dream about the Dalai Lama and then I saw a bunch of Keanu Reeves memes the next day, and it reminded me that I've been wanting to watch the movie Little Buddha again for a while now. It hasn't been available on prime, but it's listed there so on Saturday I thought I'd double check just to make sure. Still not available, but in the recommended titles there was a film about a French lady who travels to Dharamsala, India, to the public Kalachakra Initiation ceremony held by the Dalai Lama himself. I had never heard of it before, but if you know my real last name, you'll understand why the word caught my eye! It means "wheel of time," and it's a sacred part of Tibetan Buddhism that's been made available to lay people as well in an effort to help speed the bringing about of world peace, among other things. 

By the time I finished the film, I was looking up trips to Dharamsala, but that didn't seem feasible right now (29 hour flight? Yikes!), so I was really happy when I found that it wasn't too late to get to New York for the one that's going to be held here in the States. All things being equal in Mercury retrograde, however, I decided to sleep on it, and before I closed my eyes, I asked my higher self to show me in a dream if I should go or not.

The dream realm delivered.

I dreamt that I was seated at a dinner table by myself with two couples. These are actual couples I know in real life. Obviously, I'm not about to name them, so don't ask. But they are real, they are from two different generations, and they do not know each other. I don't have intimate knowledge of their relationships, anything I know is just from observation and hearsay from other people. 

So it was so interesting to me that my mind supplied them to me as metaphors and set the whole scene the way that it did, especially because both of the women in the respective couples happen to be the same Sun signs in real life. Crazy.

So we're all seated around the table, and two parallel scenes were playing out at the dinner. It was dark in the room and all four of them were wearing black. Things began pleasantly, and then each of the women became sort of restless and increasingly grumpy. The men became increasingly nervous that the women were becoming grumpy. The couples didn't seem to notice each other at the same table. The men were looking at their ladies, the ladies were looking sort of off into the distance, and I was a third party observer. 

Both of the women reached sort of a peak of discontent, and then they were given a present. If memory serves, neither of the gifts were directly from the male partners, they were each from a friend. When they initially received their respective gifts, both women were happy-ish. Their eyes didn't exactly light up with glee or anything, not like a child on Christmas morning. They just sort of went like, "Oh, okay, yes. My gift." They were both used to receiving gifts fairly often and no longer got excited, they were more like, smug in a way, like this is what was supposed to happen and they were temporarily satisfied. You might say they looked pleased but not happy

The older woman made fun of the wrapping for being shoddy and cheap, it looked like a little cloth sachet. The younger woman started unwrapping hers, it was wrapped in glossy black paper. The men watched eagerly and said things like, "There, see? You got a gift!" 

Neither woman was happy with her gift. The older woman opened it and made fun of it. She basically talked smack about it being cheap and kind of commented on how low-brow the gift giver was. Her partner laughed and joined in. They did have fun doing that, and their eyes did light up then. 

The younger woman was also nonplussed with her gift. I couldn't see the actual gifts themselves, but I knew that the younger woman's gift was something trendy that many people would want. But she either already had one or was just not able to get excited about it. She sort of managed a half-smile and was briefly satisfied, then put it down and just sort of stared back off into the distance again. Her partner was temporarily at ease and then just went back to trying to cheer her up, unsuccessfully. A little bit of smack-talk went on between them too, and both couples laughed at other people's expense and felt better for a little while, but not for long. They fell right back into discontent again.

Then one of them had written something, like a letter or an essay, I'm not sure which, and was reading it aloud to me, but all the words they said were jumbled and the letters on the page were jumbled, too. I tried to understand for a moment, then gave up and left.

The next place I found myself was all white and sunny, on a mountaintop. I saw a Tibetan man and wife with two kids, laughing in the sun. There were rainbows and prayer flags everywhere. A monk was talking to me and kept saying, "Kalachakra, Kalachakra, Kalachakra," along with words like, "Happiness, World Peace, Love, Joy, Tibet, Dalai Lama, Kalachakra, Blessing," etc., and talking about the next phase in my life and moving on to the next level. Everything was so bright and joyful there.

I had asked for a sign, and my higher self basically hit me over the head with a sledgehammer with the "subtle" message. 

I can either go on repeating karmic patterns that only briefly bring fleeting satisfaction but plenty of discontent, like the metaphorical couples in my dream, or I can learn something new that may very well help me break free from those mental chains and achieve new heights of freedom and happiness in my life. 

I'm excited. It's not often that we get to spend five days in a row meditating, learning about Tibetan Buddhism, and committing to spiritual and personal growth, with little time for the internet and no other responsibilities. In fact, I can safely say that I've never done that. I think the closest was a retreat we got to do in Carmel, California at the beautiful Carmelite convent right by the sea when I was in AmeriCorps, and even that was only for a weekend. The hardest part will be being away from my little girl for that long. Maybe she and her dad could fly out for the weekend afterwards and we could have some family time in New York City. Or go on a different weekend getaway altogether. And hey, sometimes it's okay to give to yourself, especially in the name of potentially life-changing self-improvement. 

If nothing else, maybe it really will contribute in a tiny way to bringing about world peace a little faster, you never know.

Tibetan Buddhist Kalachakra Mandala

I don't own the above image, I found it here.


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