Ladies of the Hills
Last night I went to my hippie juju women's circle. A friend of mine was supposed to be hosting it, but she wasn't feeling well, so one of the co-facilitators filled in. Just before I left, I called Loyal Aries Friend to see if she wanted to carpool, but she was already there (I was late, I don't feel time very accurately, it's my Pisces moon). I told her that I'd be on my way soon, I just had to brush my teeth first. Why did I blurt that out?! Listen brain, what we do with our teeth is our business, you don't need to tell everyone about it. When I got there and walked in, it was a small group of regulars and they went like, "Heeeeey!" and then one of them said, "Are your teeth clean?" and they all laughed. (I laughed too.) Yes, as a matter of fact, they were! I had spaghetti for dinner, I couldn't go to circle with sauce breath!
Our leading lady that night was the bass player astrologer and everyone's-favorite-aunt-type with the super soothing speaking voice. She shared with us about meditation, plants/gardening, and astrology, three mainstays in her lifetime path, and answered any questions we might have about those things.
We always meet in the yoga room of the little "compound" where we convene, and there's a cloth with candles and crystals and things in the middle of the circle. We call the corners and our guides and cast the circle, drum, pass the talking stick and share, and then listen to the topic, then journey, then journal and discuss our visions whilst eating chocolate before closing.
Everyone's been feeling discombobulated, what with the eclipses and all the planets in retrograde right now (Mercury, Jupiter, Pluto, Neptune, and Uranus, good lord!). I haven't actually been to circle for a few weeks because I've been just hiding out and sorting through all the shifts and transitions going on within. So we wanted to hear about all the things.
It was such a cozy evening. I ended up stretching out on my yoga mat and pillows and listened with rapt attention as she told about how she used to go to the "Occult" section of the bookstores as a teenager in the 1960s, and having her little windowsill garden and meditation practice in her home in LA when she eventually moved there. I took a second to consciously cherish being there with all of them, so I could save it for one day when, inevitably, it will be just a memory. I also imagined what her apartment or house (I forgot to ask which) must have looked like, and mentally decorated it with macrame hanging plants and cool rugs and cushions and such. I don't think she lived in Laurel Canyon, but I imagined her there just the same.
I have such a heart-on for bungalows. One of the nice things about Austin and this little region we're nestled in called the Hill Country, is that there are bungalows just like in California. That's one material thing I would like to have in this lifetime, a little bungalow of my own, with a yard so I can have a garden. I would have lilacs, elderflowers, fruit trees (especially mango, orange, and peach), bougainvillea, a little shade arbor with grapes growing on it (so you can reach up and pick them from above your head when they ripen), and... (parsley, sage) rosemary (and thyme), lemon balm, dill (because food), a tiny pond with fish and a frog to stick your feet in, maybe some roses, snapdragons, a raspberry bush like my great aunt Anna had when I was little, and a bunch of veggies and watermelons and pumpkins and squash (because squash blossoms are the cutest things and also all of that stuff is delicious). And hibiscus for the hummingbirds. And milkweed for the butterflies. And then a bunch of night-blooming flowers and some nopales cacti. It would be a pretty full little yard.
And then, if I have any money left over after setting up that garden, I'd like a kitchen with vintage style appliances and a really good gas oven and stove, because waiting for electric ones to heat up takes too long, and dishes with different colorful flowers and patterns on them, a variety, not all matching. That's assuming that I'll have money for food other than like, two packs of Ramen a day after all that.
My journey helped me finally synthesize and understand the karmic lessons of my romantic life over the past 36 years. A beautiful owl (I've never had an owl appear in a journey before) rushed me through a hole under a sycamore and told me, "The Divine Feminine is your birthright." Nice! Then she took me on a tour through several past lives and gave me much-needed instructions for maintaining my inner power around the men-folk. Where was she twenty years ago?! Geeze! Everything makes much more sense now and I'm much more at peace. I don't think I'm going to have just one love to last between now and my natural death. I think I'm going to stay unmarried with loves that last for a while and then go. I can accept that, because I think maybe it's for the best. I think I'm too sensitive to be with just one person, and honestly? I really don't understand men. I think my heart will be safer if I focus on my female friendships and my friendship with my ex as my primary relationships in this lifetime. I often think that the kind of union I want doesn't really exist in this realm anyway, and that's all right. Well, I shouldn't say that it doesn't exist, but that the love that I perceive with my cosmic (yeah, I said it, cosmic) heart and this strange earthly world with all the habits and rules and like, time demarcated by things called hours and minutes, and the egos and these interesting creatures called humans... just don't always mix. But it's all right, because all the love we feel is part of the big cosmic ocean of love, and we're just little droplets. It's nice just to know that the love is out there, and inside. What else can you do? Surrender, Dorothy.
Last night I had two dreams, the first one where this key phrase kept getting repeated over and over again, I can't remember it anymore of course, ugh, but I think it had to do with mastering something. Then I read a text from a friend telling me her dream, which had to do with a baby, and fell back asleep and dreamt that a couple I know got pregnant. I was so happy for them and excited. I told them that the only advice I wanted to give was to be gentle and kind to the baby, because they're so delicate, and to refrain from speaking in a sarcastic way about them or complaining about them when they're tiny, to always speak lovingly and to be extra gentle with them. At first they listened, but then the preggo saw some other people and walked away when I was in mid-sentence. Ha! Okay, fine. Do it your way. My daughter had turned into a baby again in that dream and it was so nice to hold her when she was all chubby and small, so after they walked away I just went back to playing with her.
For the first time in a long time, I really have no idea what's ahead of me. No intuitive impressions, no visions, no clues. Just snippets of Joni Mitchell songs, and Neal Young, and Crosby Stills and Nash floating through my consciousness, now and again, and when I check my psychic vision, I just see the stars.
Fine, Great Mystery, be that way. You're beautiful anyway.